If you missed the first recap of my Yoga Teacher Training you can find the recap here it runs through the entire Yoga experience, who I trained with, how I prepped, the highs, the lows, what I think you need to know and how to prepare for your own experience. Safe to say it’s choc full of insights. But the conversation was barely scratching the surface, I knew I wanted to dive deeper into this conversation so I am so excited for the next instalment of this recap outlined below.
It’s safe to say I sat down for 40mins (pomodoro style) and the words literally flowed out of me. So here we are diving deeper into the spiritual lessons and mainly the big differences I noticed in myself post teacher training.
Over 4,000 words written so far and it’s safe to say there is still another blog post in me. Next I want to speak more about how I have gone with the teaching part of yoga post teacher training. And that’s a crazy fun, full of lessons journey within itself. But for right now, let’s dive in!
MY FAVOURITE AND BIGGEST LESSON
Nothing in this life matters, because it truly doesn’t.
Kind of bleak to start with, perhaps not what you were expecting but this was my biggest ‘takeaway’.
Nothing you acquire or create is going to make you feel anything that you do not already have inside of you. There is nothing you need to search for outside of yourself. You are whole and complete – and the notion that you are not worthy is purely laughable once you realise the true essence of your being.
You start to realise that you exist in everything around you. There is no reason to be scared or worried because you are the person next to you, your co-worker and your next door neighbour and they are you too. Those feelings that you are feeling is exactly what they feel too.
** I found this concept fascinating and remember being on a train and finally had a completely different experience. Sometimes I could get scared on public transport, worrying who are these people, someone could hurt me, the ramblings of my monkey mind. Until I realised that I am them, and they are me. And if I am scared they are too, and somehow I couldn’t be scared anymore. There was no division between myself and others, we were simply all one.
*** What about some people who are bad and you should stay away from? From very life threatening situations to you are not a nice person. I had this thought process and was given the answer that, just because I know we are all one, doesn’t mean everyone else has opened their eyes to this concept and so some people are still dangerous, you still have to have your wits about you. Some people are going to f*ck you over.
And once you know nothing matters in this life, you start to care a lot less. Because nothing can touch the true essence of who you are. And this is my favourite part!! If nothing really matters, than you may as well have the best life and everything you could possibly want in it. Does this mean we go away and quit our jobs, travel the world and find greatness – perhaps for you that is true. But what I also realised was that life is found in the small moments, because you cannot wish your way out of this human existence.
And so its making peace and loving every aspect of your life. Creating meaning in the smallness of life.
LET IT BE EASY
I came back post teacher training and was sick of life being so difficult. I mean the glorifying of something being hard. I was so over that. Most importantly I was done clinging onto dreams that my ego thought had to happen, or thought they had to happen on my terms and exactly when I wanted them to. So I decided and allowed for everything to be easy. Side note, am I shit scared and is it work, of course! But I am no longer pushing and struggling to make what I think should happen. Instead I am in complete flow and releasing resistance on how I think life should look like.
So coaching has taken a back seat, I have complete trust and belief that it will come back into my life. I know this online space will always be here and my coaching will end up making a beautiful contribution to how I show up and serve in this world, but for right now it’s really difficult and feels really hard so I am focusing my energy on ‘hey that seems easy and fun, let’s do that’.
Case in point. A yoga studio put out a call for freelance writers. I never thought of myself as a freelance writer because I like working for myself, I don’t want to write for someone else. I never thought of myself as a ‘freelancer’ itself but this felt FUN and it felt easy. So I replied said I’d be super keen, sent through some work that would be relevant to their site and lo and behold became a blog contributor for their blog. Freelance writing for a yoga studio – how freaking cool is that!
But it never would have happened if I didn’t drop the idea of what I thought I should be doing or how my life should look and actually allow the easy thing to come to me.
There have been lots of other ways I’ve chosen the easy option and more on this later, but for right now know I had to allow time and space for dreams to fall away, visions to be put to rest, and be okay with that. A complete guidance and trust that it will all flow back, but giving it space.
Which brings me to my next point …
VISIONS & BOOKS
If we are not contradicting ourselves we are not growing. So I am writing this next piece knowing full well the pendulum will swing in an opposite direction at one point in the future – and I am totally okay with that. But for right now I need to mention …
Writing down visions, goal setting and devouring personal development books does not interest me.
I don’t care to read a book, because this personal development book is not going to tell me anything that I don’t already know inside of me to my core, especially that I don’t already know within myself to be true. I am at a stage where I feel so completely full in my own life and being that I don’t need outside stimulus to make me feel whole.
Do books help guide us, yes certainly and a remembering – precisely, but for right now I don’t feel like I need that.
A couple of months ago, if you asked me how I was creating the life I wanted to I would have said writing down my visions, feeling the feelings daily, thinking about it, writing lists about how amazing it will be when it happens. Okay that’s a bit extreme, but I feel like you are getting the picture.
If you asked me that question now, I would laugh at you. What’s the point? I don’t care how life is looking like in the future, I only care about where my feet are right now.
Because guess what you can only be where your feet are. You can only do the work, show up, live and love and become upset with the life you are leading at in this moment. Anything else is projecting into the future.
So for the first time I have no goals. No timeline. No ‘this is where my life is going/should go/or could go’ not with my coaching or my yoga. I am simply focusing on the step I am taking right now. Because I am completely open to where things will take me, trusting it is going to work out for me, exactly as it needs to.
I once again have an huge amount of trust I know the basics of what my life will be and what I am working towards but it’s not set in concrete and I am so open to it being what it needs to be.
FEELING THE FEELINGS
So your life must be amazing right now? Yes it is, to my core, it feels fantastic, but guess what I am a human and so I still have a very human experience. And interestingly enough I am not interested in covering that experience up and over with positive thinking.
We spend so much time thinking about feelings, writing about them, telling someone else about them, doing so much with them that we never actually feel them. We think we are working through the feelings but in truth we are escaping them in the same way.
So I am big on feeling the feelings right now. Guess what? That means crying, getting angry and feeling that emotion boil up inside of you. Feeling that sadness you feel, not analysing it, critiquing it, ‘why am I sad? this must mean something!’ but purely allowing myself to feel that emotion and let it pass through me.
The other day I had some quiet reflection time. What I realised was I feel like a failure at the moment. So I came home and spoke to my partner about it, I didn’t need it to be fixed, or to run out and change anything, but simply cried and expressed what I was going through.
See I always had this idea of what success would look like the money I was making, the job I was attached to and the impact I was creating in my life. Well here I was happier than I’ve ever been, not worked a job since June this year and struggling with that. Everything I had tied my worth and identity to was no longer there. I am building something up, but I felt like I was failing.
No need to change that, but accept that feeling and it passed right on through me.
Speaking of having a human experience there is nothing more human than comparing yourself to someone else. And boy did that hit me hard post teacher training life. Suddenly these 14 beautiful souls that I shared this incredible journey with were out in the world. Some hit the ground running making their yoga dreams come true, other focused on their practice to start with and then started sharing their classes, their yoga and more.
I believe nobody is immune to this feeling and it hit me. I was struck down with illness and spent a lot of time in bed post yoga teacher training. I felt like I was ‘behind’, that everyone else was already so much farther ahead than me. I looked at these incredible wins that my friends were posting – and rightfully so! And my mind filled in the gaps to make up a story that elevated them and devalued me at the exact same time. I made it mean that because I wasn’t teaching any yoga to start with I wasn’t going to succeed (isn’t it ludicrous the stories our mind makes up?!)
How did I get over those feelings, as always feeling them. I also believe becoming aware of where my mind started to go, and the automatic thought patterns I started to tell myself. Then I could veer away from them knowing that it was simply my mind trying to make myself feel shitty – because that’s kind of it’s favourite job to do at times.
You cannot make stories about your own future, your own worth by filling in the gaps and basing it on other people’s lives. Know that anything you see anyone else creating you can create too. You can make too. So if you are feeling jealous, investigate, why? What do they have that you want? Maybe you want to teach yoga too, maybe you are getting to scared and not putting yourself out there. Maybe you simply think they are rocking it and are totally going to use them for your inspo? There’s nothing wrong with that.
Also if something doesn’t work out for you I always like to remind myself that’s because something even better is around the corner. Something that’s suited for me. It is always ‘this or better’. And I’ve used that a couple of times throughout this year and it’s been invaluable. Does it stop it from hurting your fragile ego, of course not, we are only human after all, but it can help you feel that emotion and not let your mind create an epic story about it.
HELPFUL POST TRAINING THOUGHTS
Lastly I have been very conscious of some new thoughts and thought processes helping me on my post yogic journey, let me share them with you.
- I had a beautiful breakfast with a yogi friend and she was a guiding light in that first few stages post yoga teacher training. She told me, you have to be brave. And every time I have written out a yoga class, thought about opening my own studio space and saying YES to something I have thought about that. Constantly writing and re-writing BE BRAVE (L) on the top of my page.
- I knew I wanted life to be easy coming home. I know that sometimes getting things off the ground people can describe as hard. And is it hard of course it is. But I also knew I didn’t want to adopt that story that people tell themselves, that it has to be hard, you have to constantly hustle and work your ass off. So my guiding mantra when I have heard someone remark an opinion or I could sense their own story coming through was quite simply ‘that’s not my story’. I can choose what I believe and don’t believe and I made a definite choice that ‘its going to be hard’ would not be my story. And so instead I am consciously choosing and allowing it to be easy.
Phew!! That’s it for today. I hope you enjoyed the second instalment and as I said I have another exciting post coming about how I have gone with the teaching part of post teacher training, how I started my own studio and what I am doing to build that up.
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Images sourced: @sjanaelise @coconutandlime @beckbody.me